Tuesday, April 16, 2013

And baby makes 5...

Man, babies are a lot of work! I keep thinking about my mom and how she was about my age with a new baby and she just said, "They keep you young!" Ha! She lied! I have never felt so old in my life. Of course, I AM old, for a 9 month old! Thankfully, Elise is a good sleeper, so that's been nice. But she still wakes up several times a night for a bottle, even though she goes right back to sleep, I'm a light sleeper all of a sudden and hear every little sigh and whimper. That combined with Hunter barking, sometimes as early as 5am, and well, I'm running on fumes most days.

But, Elise is a happy baby, and I know she's in a good place right now, so I can breathe easy. Pastor Joe has been preaching a sermon series on "Living Dangerously" and I always tell the kids to "do the hard things" we can't cop out of stuff just because we don't want to, or don't feel like, doing them. So, I'm learning from Pastor Joe, and taking my own advice, and sucking it up, and doing the hard thing, and living dangerously!!

I do try to keep a good attitude, and think most of the time I'm okay. But sometimes I get angry. Angry that (and I'm pretty sure Kenzie doesn't read my blog, so I'm okay) but I get angry that I'm being responsible, while she is out doing whatever she wants. That she's leaving a trail of destruction behind her that she will not comprehend for years. What if she never gets it together enough to get Elise back? She's already bonding with us, and while I don't want to raise another child, I can't imagine giving her back until I'm absolutely sure she's in a safe, stable environment. And then what? What if this pattern that Kenzie has found herself in continues? Another man, another baby? I *really* don't want *another* baby after this one either! And do I just keep cleaning up after her as she goes through life without thinking about the consequences to her actions?

Anyway, I'm just thinking out loud, I know no one has the answers but God. I just pray over Elise every day that God's will be done in her life, whether that's with us long term, back with her mom, or someone else. I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future, right?! So, I appreciate everyone's prayers for us right now. The kids are great, they love her and are such big helps. Even David, who isn't exactly a "baby" person, is so good with her. I think we all know she just needs extra love and cuddles right now, and she's really doing great.

So here's some pictures of her from the past week. She's so cute, and just loves to talk and really wants to play with the dogs, I can't wait till she's chasing them around the house! (Although I'm sure they aren't in any hurry for that to happen!)

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